So here we go - Pregoploymentcy
The art of coping with a pregnancy while a husband, partner, or significant other is deployed.
This definition also calls for some equations that can be a result of a scenario such as the pregoploymentcy. For instance, in order to break things down to fully appreciate some of the major components of this scenario, I like to think of it like this:
Deployment = stress on a spouse and stress on the whole family.
Deployment + Pregnancy = experiencing stress and personal hardship.
When you factor in another very important component to this equation, we get: Pregnancy + deployment + passive support = undergoing extreme personal hardship.
Lump on one more factor to this lovely equation and we have:Pregnancy + deployment + passive support + stress of a possible upcoming autism diagnosis for a 2 year old = One exhausted pregnant lady that's barely able to cope, but will rise to the challenge, anyway because that is what you have to do.
Military Support During the DeploymentI love the military for so many reasons, but I have issues with the type of passive support provided during some deployments. To say that I didn't have an easy time during Alex's deployment would be an understatement. I can think of three people that were there for me by means of calling me on the phone up to once a week, or inviting me to an occasional coffee or dinner outing. Some people offered passive type of support by saying "give us a call if you need anything" but didn't call to see how I was doing, didn't e-mail or stop by the house, no matter how close they lived. The more times that people said that to me, the more irritated I got about this passivity. What I saw was not a lack of good intentions, but a lack of follow through. I really needed a more active type of support. It didn't have to be anything special or anything big. The passive level of support made me feel like while I was trying to embrace this new military life style, it is not readily embracing me back.
I was feeling more and more isolated. I'm sure that living off base in an area that is as spread out as San Antonio, had something to do with it. Alex and I had also talked to great lengths about how various branches of the military cope with deployments differently. The Army for example, deploys whole units at a time. You can imagine the spouses sharing a comradery. They all know what the other is going through, so they naturally want to be there for each other; the situation itself lends to be of support. The Air Force only deploys a couple of people at a time from any given office. Most of the spouses don't really relate, unless they've already gone through this experience before. Keep in mind that bases are different depending on the mission, but I have not seen much active support for the spouses that get left behind. This unfortunately left a bitter taste in my mouth. I had a difficult time dealing with these negative feelings; it took away positive energy that I needed during my twin pregnancy and single parenting Jake. What should have been a very joyful and beautiful time in my life, was more difficult than I could have imagined. I'd like to believe that as more and more JAG's deploy, the level of active support will improve.
Twin A and Twin B
Civilian Support During the Deployment
The Return of Capt Dad
|Alex and Jake at the airport - homecoming April 2009|
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